Thursday, February 3, 2011

Losing Our Baby

Every woman hears the warnings not to announce a pregnancy before 12 weeks. Noted and disregarded. After the doctor confirmation we gleefully announced that we were expecting another baby. I called family near and far to share our happy news. Thanks to the advances in social networking, after a few short strokes of the keyboard, my entire world knew I was pregnant.
Things weren’t progressing as they had previously. I was almost 10 weeks pregnant and I could still button my pants. As I was sweeping the floor a few days ago, I realized I was no longer tired. I told everyone this was the ideal pregnancy; I didn’t feel any pregnancy symptoms. Then the bleeding started.
At first I wasn’t alarmed, this had happened in my first pregnancy. After a few days the bleeding worsened and was accompanied by some back pain. Not good. Still, I refused to panic. I had a doctor’s appointment coming up, I would know more then.
The morning of my appointment, I didn’t tell anyone my concerns. It wasn’t until I made it to the doctor’s office that concern began to set in. The bleeding was worse and I had slight abdominal cramping. The entire staff was empathetic and word spread quickly that I may be losing the baby. After an exam, the doctor reassured me that all looked normal and sent me for an ultrasound.
Immediately I knew something was not right when I looked at the screen. It was too still, too quiet. They said all looked normal and I wasn’t as far along as they originally thought. In fact, I was three to four weeks earlier – 5 weeks and 5 days pregnant. Hmmm, that doesn’t sound right. That means I had to have tested positive to my home pregnancy test one to two days after I conceived. I guess the tests are sensitive, but I didn’t think they were that sensitive. I wanted to believe. I accepted their reassurance and went about telling the world about my new due date.
The pain intensified and I pushed aside the thoughts. Think positively and I will have a positive outcome. As nightfall arrived, my worst fears were realized. The contractions had started and so did the tears. As my husband held me, we grieved the loss of our baby. Nothing ever prepares you for a miscarriage. Like it or not, you are now a lifetime member of this special club. It is filled with other healthy, young women who, for one reason or another, were unable to carry their baby to term.